


Lucky

by MoonOwl



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Chapter 53 Spoilers, Love Confessions, M/M, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-07 23:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonOwl/pseuds/MoonOwl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You know,” Erwin starts suddenly, not even looking up from from his paperwork. “I loved a woman once.”</p><p>Levi sets down his mug on the desk. His lips part slightly in curiosity. “Really?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lucky

This is nice, Levi thinks to himself. Erwin is back to work, adjusting to life after the loss of his arm. He's visiting the headquarters where Levi keeps his squad stationed. There's paperwork to be done, plans to be made, and Erwin can afford to take a day to get this work done with Levi. Sitting in Levi's office, Erwin goes over all of the important documents and plans concerning Levi's newly appointed squad. It's just like before, Levi says to himself. Only instead he has a different squad, filled with young teenagers instead of young adults, Erwin is living with a disability, and everything that they had ever thought about Titans has changed. 

Levi stands up from his seat, excusing himself to get a cup of coffee from the kitchen. He doesn't ask Erwin if he wants a cup– he never does. Erwin stays away from all vices, be it caffeine, alcohol, smoking, or sex. Levi quickly busies himself in the kitchen, trying not to let anything distract him from returning to the office. His time with Erwin was limited– and also very precious to him. 

A mug of freshly brewed coffee in hand, Levi reenters the office to find Erwin diligently writing down notes and signing his name across the pages laid out on the desk they are sharing. 

“You know,” Erwin starts suddenly, not even looking up from from his paperwork. “I loved a woman once.”

Levi sets down his mug on the desk. His lips part slightly in curiosity. “Really?”

As he continues to work, Erwin takes a deep breath. “Yes, her name was Mary. She worked as a barmaid–

“You, and a barmaid? That would be like me wooing a duchess.” Levi snorts, taking his seat across from Erwin once again. 

Looking up from the paperwork, Erwin shoots Levi a stern look and sighs. “She was a pretty little thing. Delicate, lovely pale face, straight pitch black hair,” he continues. “But I knew I never could settle down with her. She needed a husband that would be there for her. Furthermore, for the record, Levi, I never actually courted her. In the end, she married Nile.”

Levi brings his cup of coffee back up to his lips. “Nile Dawk? Well, she must have had shit for brains to have married one of the fattest pigs in the MP.”

Erwin frowns at Levi and pushes his paperwork aside. “He isn't as bad as you think. He's just doing his job, Levi. Besides, they're very happy together. They're expecting their third child.” 

“You seem quite fine with that for someone who supposedly loved this woman.” 

“What else can I be? No use being upset over someone else's happy marriage. I never did pursue her, and I can say that I'm quite content with my choice.” 

Levi takes another sip of his drink and nods to himself. What a loss for that woman. Married to a man with the features of a rat when she could have had Erwin Smith. Everything about him screams “perfect husband” on the outside. He's tall, he's handsome, he's strong, he's smart, he's courteous. Mothers and fathers would be proud at the thought of their daughter (or even their son) marrying such a wonderful man, even if he had a reputation for sending young men and women to such their gruesome deaths. But Levi knows Erwin better. He's not married to his job, no. He's married to humanity. Levi thinks that, in a way, he much prefers it this way. He likes knowing that Erwin isn't going to actually marry someone who's not him. Levi knows it's selfish. He doesn't want anyone else to have Erwin but him. It's quite possibly unhealthy and maybe a little obsessive, but in the end, it's alright. No one else is going to have Erwin because Erwin will not let anyone. 

“You would have made a wonderful father, you know.” Levi says, after a moment to think. "Had you married her."

“Are you so certain about that?”

“Are you shitting me? Do you notice the way you act around the brats? You were so friendly with Yeager when he arrived, you looked at him like a son despite the fact that we had him locked up in a cell. The Arlert boy practically idolizes you. So does Kirschtein. They all do, to an extent, but they also respect and obey you religiously. You could have raised some of the finest, blondest, most well-breed little shits in these walls.” 

There's a pause. "Well, thank you, Levi." 

“But I'm glad you choose this,” Levi nods. “Humanity needs you.”

“Well, I have to say that from time to time, I do think about settling down. It's only ever in passing thoughts, but I do like to think if I live to see humanity's victory, I would live a nice, quiet life. Perhaps somewhere in those mountains beyond the wall. With a companion,” he takes a moment to pause. “Be it simply just friend, or even a wife or a husband.” 

Levi feels Erwin's eyes on him when he says the word “husband”. It doesn't surprise him, really. He smiles bitterly to himself and looks away from Erwin, over to the window. “Even if we do see humanity's victory, we'll be too ridiculously old to marry.” 

Erwin leans back in his chair. “Well, I'm not implying that our victory is in the near future, but it might not be as far off as you think. That new squad of yours is something special. I haven't seen strength like Ackerman's or determination like Yeager's since I met, well, you.” He raises an eyebrow at Levi. “I haven't seen the leadership, intuition, and intelligence some of those kids have in soldiers so young either. We have some great assets these days.” 

“It's almost unheard of for officers in the Scouting Legion to retire to peaceful lives. You either die or you get too old.”

“Well, it's also completely unheard of for young boys to turn into Titans, and we've seen three young boys do that so far.” 

Levi is about to say that Eren, Reiner, and Bertholdt hardly count as “young boys” but decides against it. Maybe they're young boys to Erwin. He always has been a father to his soldiers, even if Reiner and Bertholdt never truly did serve under him. The boys really are just children, in body and mind, no matter what horrors they've seen and what horrors they've done. 

“Erwin Smith,” Levi begins. “Ever the optimist.” 

Erwin looks down and smiles. “I couldn't be commander if I didn't have a little hope for humanity. Besides, I've lead my men and women to Hell, and so my actions will lead me there as well. I should be able to look forward to any possible opportunity I can get at even just a few years of peace. But, as I said, I only think about settling down in passing thoughts. I have more pressing things to think about in the time being.” 

Levi looks down into his mug of half finished coffee. “Oh God, I love you,” he says, keeping his head down but looking up at Erwin with his eyes. 

“I know,” he replies. “I think you're quite possibly the only person on Earth who can love me.” 

“Good,” Levi says, turning his head up to face his companion. “I'm a selfish bastard.” 

Erwin smiles a sad of sort of smile. “To think you once hated me more than anything.”

“What's that old cliché? 'They're the strongest emotions' or was it 'there's a fine line'? Oh, something like that.” 

“So, you could say you've always felt very strongly about me?”

“I could say so.” 

Erwin stands up from his seat. “I think we're finished here today. I should get going. The capital awaits.” 

Levi watches the movement of his commander's body as he makes his away around the desk. Graceful as always, Erwin walks in his stride without any indication that he's been put off balance by the loss of his arm. Tentatively, he leans over a places a chaste kiss to Levi's forehead. 

Levi closes his eyes at the feeling of Erwin's lips on his skin. “Take care,” he says when Erwin's lips leave his forehead. “We don't want you losing anything else.” 

“I've managed thus far.” Erwin collects his paperwork, placing it neatly into a folder before quietly leaving.

Once alone, Levi laughs to himself. Just his luck to fall madly in love with the worst possible candidate. He knows that chances are he will never wake up to Erwin's 5 o'clock shadow nor will he live to old age with him. But chances are slim when it comes to everything in the Scouting Legion. It's just a part of Levi's life at this point. It's not fair, but that's just how things are. 

He does know, however, that he's lucky to have met Erwin Smith.


End file.
